


let's talk about sex, baby

by likeplutoandpersephone



Category: Stranger Things (TV 2016)
Genre: F/M, Fluff and Humor, Friendship, Gen, Horny Teenagers, M rating is for mature themes, Making Out, Mike being the sweetest boy in the world, Not to spoil my own fic but this is not smut, Post-Season/Series 03, Romantic Comedy, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, and nothing bad happened ever again, this sort of takes place in a post s3 AU, where everything is the same except no one died or moved away
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-05
Updated: 2020-06-05
Packaged: 2021-03-03 22:14:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,500
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24552949
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/likeplutoandpersephone/pseuds/likeplutoandpersephone
Summary: Mike Wheeler is 15 years old when his girlfriend presses a condom into his hand and says, “I think we should have sex.”
Relationships: (background) Dustin Henderson/Suzie, (background) Maxine "Max" Mayfield/Lucas Sinclair, (mentioned) Jonathan Byers/Nancy Wheeler, Eleven | Jane Hopper/Mike Wheeler, The Party (Stranger Things) - Relationship
Comments: 18
Kudos: 89





	let's talk about sex, baby

**Author's Note:**

> So this is inspired by the episode "I Think We Should Have Sex" from Friday Night Lights. I love Matt and Julie so much and it seemed like a plot that would make for a great Mileven fic. Highly recommend that show, by the way, and hope you guys enjoy the fic!

Mike Wheeler is 15 years old when his girlfriend presses a condom into his hand and says, “I think we should have sex.”

She said it all so confidently, in such a casual tone, that it took a few moments for the words to sink in. “Wait, what?”

El frowned, “ _Seeex_ , Mike.” She pronounced the word funny, putting too much emphasis on the last syllable and dragging out the _ehh_ sound. “It’s when—“

“I know what it is!” Mike cut her off hurriedly. “It’s just…” He stared at the condom in his hand. “Where did you even get this?”

“Max.”

“MAX?!” Were Max and Lucas…? But wait, they weren’t any older than him and El. And Lucas hadn’t said anything like that to him. Lucas wouldn’t keep something so important from him right? They were best friends, they were— 

“Max. She took them from Billy’s room. He has a lot.”

“Oh,” Mike said, feeling stupid. He looked at the condom again, examining it more closely. _Magnum, XL_ , the label declared in bold yellow letters. Mike resisted the urge to roll his eyes. Of course Billy used Magnum condoms. “I don’t know if these will even fit me.”

El’s brows furrowed together with that cute, confused look that she got. “Too big?”

“What? No!”

“Too small?” 

“NO!”

El’s brows furrowed further and she gave him a look of deep bewilderment. “But then…”

“Look, don’t worry about it. I’ll handle the condoms.” Mike shoved the offending object in his jeans pocket and placed his hands on El’s shoulders, forcing her to look him in the eye. “It’s just… Are you sure about this?”

El’s face fell. “You don’t want to?”

“No!” El’s face fell further and Mike hurried to continue. “I mean, yes! I mean, of course I want to! Have sex. With you!” El was beginning to look confused again and Mike took the moment to stop and think, trying to find the right words for what he wanted to say. “I just want to make sure that you’re really ready for this, and that it’s not something that you feel forced to do but something you really want and feel comfortable with and—”

“I do!” El blurted out. Her eyes shown with conviction and there was a hard set of determination in her stiff shoulders. “I’m sure! I want to. I really, really want to. I promise, Mike.”

“ _Well_ , I guess…” El stared at him, eyes wide with anticipation and he couldn’t help breaking into a reluctant smile. “Yeah. Sure. Yeah, let’s do it.”

El let out a very uncharacteristic high-pitched squeal. She flung her arms around him and kissed him, her mouth falling somewhat clumsily on the side of his mouth from the awkward angle. He kissed her back and felt her hands resting on the back of his neck, her soft lips pressing against his own, her wet tongue shyly licking at him.

He was a little dazed when she pulled away so it took a moment for him to realize where she was taking him.

“Wait, where are you going?” Mike asked, stopping her before they entered his bedroom.

“Your room,” El said, tugging on his hand insistently.

“What, you want to have sex _now_?” The words came out louder than he had been anticipating and Mike instinctively looked around for anyone who had heard, though no one else was at home.

El nodded, and gave him an impatient look like this was the most obvious thing in the world and he was purposefully being dense.

“Well, we can’t yet. My parents will be home soon. Hopper thinks we’re all together at Dustin’s place and he’s going to come looking for you if you’re not back in an hour. Even if I wanted to, there’s not enough time.”

“Time?” El asked, confused. “Why isn’t it enough?”

“Well…” He couldn’t believe he had to explain this to her. “Sometimes it takes a while, you know?” He made a vague thrusting motion with his hands.

“No,” El frowned. “How long does it take?”

“I-It depends,” Mike stammered, avoiding El’s questioning gaze. “Anyways, I need some time to make preparations. I can tell you more tomorrow.”

“Oh.” El’s hand fell. Mike hated how disappointed she looked, as if someone had snatched an Eggo waffle straight from her hand and gobbled it up right in front of her. They stood there in a tense silence for a few minutes. Apparently, making plans to have sex in the near future made things a bit awkward.

“Look at the time! It’s getting pretty late, El. I’ll take you home.”

They biked together to Chief Hopper’s house. As soon as their bikes rounded the bend, the door opened and Hopper stepped out, as if he had been waiting for them this entire time. Mike tried to act normal as the two exchanged stiff greetings and El gave him a quick kiss goodbye, but he was pretty certain that the other man had read everything on his face. Hopper already didn’t like him, what was he going to think when he found out Mike had taken his precious daughter’s virginity? His life would become a living hell.

Mike was not exaggerating — he would rather face a hundred Demogorgons than have to deal with a single angry Hopper.

Mike was nearly home when he finally felt safe turning on his walkie talkie ( _Those damn police radios. Who knew the frequency of those things?_ ). “Code red! I repeat, this is a code red! Everyone, meet me in the basement of the Wheeler house in _ten minutes_. I repeat, this is a CODE RED!”

It was over half an hour later when Will, the last to arrive, straggled in, looking windblown and tired. “What is it?” he asked, when he was faced with three blank stares.

Wordlessly, Mike presented the condom to him without comment.

Will stared at it for two beats. “Okay, I’m leaving.” He immediately turned around and headed back for the door.

“Wait, wait, wait, don’t go!” The three of them grabbed Will and dragged him to the sofa, forcing him to sit.

“Are you _serious_ , guys?” Will complained. He slapped Dustin’s hand away and sat back against the sofa, fuming. “I skipped dinner for this!”

“We have food!” Lucas said. “ _Don’t we_ , Mike?” Lucas turned to Mike with an expectant stare.

“Yeah! Of course!” Mike said. He ran for the kitchen and rummaged around in the various cabinets. He came back a few minutes later, sheepishly holding a handful of crumpled chip bags. “We have… delicious Lays BBQ chips!”

Will glared at him, but snatched the chips from Mike’s hands anyways and began to munch on them noisily.

“So,” Mike said, pulling up a chair and sitting down. “El gave me this today.”

Lucas took the condom from Mike and examined it closely. “ _Magnum XL_??? Where did she even get these?”

“She said Max gave it to her,” Mike said.

“MAX?!” The other three yelled in unison.

“Keep your voices down, Nancy’s upstairs!” Mike hushed, glancing nervously towards the ceiling. He leaned in closer and lowered his voice. “They’re not hers. Max stole them from Billy.”

“Billy?!” Dustin exclaimed. “Let me see that.” He snatched the condom from Lucas’s hand, who waved him away distractedly.

“Wait, let me get this straight.” Lucas said. “So, _my_ girlfriend is helping you and _your_ girlfriend get laid, but she won’t help _me_ , her _own_ boyfriend get laid?”

Mike stared at him blankly. Lucas threw his hands up in the air. “Unbelievable,” he muttered.

“Dude,” Dustin said. He was holding the condom package to the light, squinting at it like it was a possibly counterfeit hundred dollar bill someone had given him. “Do you think Billy really wears Magnum condoms?”

“Of course not,” Mike scoffed. “He probably just has them to show off.”

“ _Oh Billy_ ,” Lucas imitated in a breathy, high-pitched voice. “ _I can’t believe you wear_ Magnum _condoms. You’re so cool and handsome_. _Let me feel your muscles._ ”

They all laughed. Even Will rolled his eyes and cracked a smile.

“Still,” Lucas said. “What are you going to do?”

“I don’t know!” Mike said. He got up and started pacing. “She wanted to do it like, _right that very moment_. I had to explain to her that my parents would be coming home soon and there wasn’t enough time.”

“Well, first of all,” Dustin said. “We’re going to have to get you some proper condoms. Luckily, I have an inside source.”

Will rolled his eyes. “He means he’s going to ask Steve.”

“Robin, actually. Steve won’t buy me condoms, he says I’m too young to be using them. But Robin believes in safe sex.”

“Wait, what do _you_ need condoms for?” Mike asked.

“Well…” Dustin broke into a shit-eating grin.

“Oh my god!” Will protested. He threw the bag of potato chips at him. “Gross!”

Dustin threw the bag of chips back and leaned in close. “Remember when I went to spend Christmas week at Suzie’s place?” he asked. They all nodded, riveted. “Well Suzie and I had been planning to find some alone time away from everyone and… you know.” Dustin waggled his eyebrows. Will groaned and buried his face in his hands.

“But Suzie’s parents watched us like a _hawk_ the entire time we were there. We couldn’t get five minutes alone together. Nothing happened.” Dustin sat back with a sigh.

“And you were going to tell us this _when_?” Lucas asked.

“I was planning on telling you after it happened. But nothing did. It kind of bummed me out so I forgot to mention it.” Dustin shrugged.

“Wait, so Robin and Steve knew about this, but we didn’t?” Mike asked.

“Well, I needed their help!” Dustin protested. “It’s not personal!” At their unimpressed expressions he hurried to add. “Look, next time, you guys will be the _first_ to know. I promise!”

“If there _is_ a next time.” Will muttered under his breath. Unfortunately, Dustin heard him.

“Excuse me?!” Dustin yelled. “Mine and Suzie’s love is forever!”

As Will attempted to placate Dustin, Lucas turned to him. “I can’t believe this. Is everyone in this group getting laid except for me?”

“Well, no one’s been laid _yet_.” Mike pointed out.

“Yeah, but they’re making _plans_ to get laid.” Lucas said. “You know what Max said when I brought it up with her? She laughed. She laughed at me, Mike!”

“Well, maybe you should ask her again.” Mike muttered distractedly.

“I will,” Lucas said, oblivious to the fact that Mike was no longer listening. “I’ll do that.”

“And that brings me to my second point!” Dustin yelled suddenly. They all turned to face him. “You’re going to need a place to stay. Somewhere you can be alone for a few hours.”

Mike thought for a moment, then turned to look at Will pleadingly. “Oh, absolutely not.” Will said.

“Why not?!” Mike protested. “Mine and Dustin’s moms are always at home, and Erica seems to have a sixth sense for when we want her to leave us alone. Your’s is the only place that could work! Your mom and Jonathan will be at work most of the day. The place will be empty! Just give me the key and you can stay with—“

“No!” Will yelled. “I already have to deal with Jonathan and Nancy going at it like rabbits in every single room. They think that if they turn on some music I won’t know what they’re doing. Well, I do know! And you and El are not setting _one foot_ into my house. Do you hear me?”

“But—“

“Never mind about Will,” Lucas interrupted, slinging his arm around Mike’s shoulder. “You’re in luck, Mike. It’s Wednesday, right?” Dustin nodded. “Well, this Sunday, me and my whole family are going to visit my grandma in Indianapolis. We’re going to leave in the afternoon and come back the next morning in time for school. Until then, the place will be empty. You can use my room as long as you change the sheets after.”

“Yes, that’s perfect!” Mike said. “How can I ever repay you, Lucas?”

“Yeah, well.” Lucas said. “Just remember to return the favor one day.”

“Sunday is four days from now. Are you going to be able to make it until then?” Dustin asked.

“Make it?” Mike asked. “Why wouldn’t I be able to make it?”

“ _Welll_ ,” Dustin said, smirking. “When I thought that I would be having sex with Suzie soon, I couldn’t get anything done. _Nothing_. I was a wreck. I couldn’t sleep, barely ate, didn’t do anything except wait around.”

Mike stared at him in disbelief. “I think I’ll be fine, Dustin.”

“Great,” Will said, crumpling his bag of chips. “Are we done here? I want to go home and get a _real_ dinner. I’ll see you guys at school tomorrow.”

Once everyone had left and Mike had finished cleaning up, he decided to head to bed early. Ten hours later, it was 7am, sunlight was shining through the shutters of his window and he could hear his mom yelling at him to wake up. 

He had not gotten a single second of sleep.

+++

_**Three Days Until D-Day** _

“Are you okay, Mike?” El asked with a concerned expression. “You look sick.”

“I’m fine,” Mike said. “Really,” he continued, when El put her hand against his forehead, frowning. “I just didn’t get enough sleep last night.” Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Lucas give him a pointed look that he ignored.

“Okay,” Max said as they gathered around her. “So here’s the plan. Tonight, I’m going to go to Hopper’s house and ask him if El and I can have a sleepover at my place on Sunday. It might take a bit of convincing since it’s a school night, but if we ask far enough in advance he should agree. On Sunday, I’ll go pick El up at her house at 3pm, making sure Hop sees me. We’ll go to my house and spend some time there together, making sure both of my parents see _her_. That way they can cover for us if something happens. After dinner, I’ll tell my parents that we’re going to be spending the rest of the night in my room, and not to bother us under _any_ circumstances. Then, El will sneak out through my window and bike to Lucas’s, where Mike will be waiting. Sound good?”

Everyone nodded in agreement. The first meeting of the “Get El and Mike Laid” club officially adjourned.

“Are you okay?” El asked again when they were alone. He felt her hand slip into his and they walked down the hall hand in hand.

“Yeah, I’m fine.” Mike said. “What about you? How are you feeling?”

“Happy,” El said, beaming. There was indeed a little spring in her step. “Can’t wait.”

“Yeah,” Mike said distractedly. “Me too. Listen—“

Just then, they were interrupted by the school bell. Which was probably good, since Mike had no idea what he had been about to say.

“Sorry, what?!” El asked. “I didn’t hear you!” They were surrounded on both sides by students rushing to and from class and it was hard to hear anything over the din.

“It was nothing!” Mike yelled back.

“Okay!” El said. She kissed him on the cheek. “I’ve got to go! I’ll see you later.” She headed off.

Mike watched her go. It had been three years, but El still had to take remedial classes. It must be hard to catch up after missing 12 years of schooling.

Mike headed to his biology class and proceeded to sleep through the whole thing.

+++

Max called him at 8pm. She said one thing, and then immediately hung up.

“He agreed.”

Some moments later, Mike put the receiver down. The sound of the dial tone was still ringing in his ears.

The game was on.

+++

_**Two Days Until D-Day** _

Dustin pulled him aside before school and tossed a backpack at him. “Here you go.”

“What took you so long?” Mike immediately complained. He reached inside the backpack and pulled out a fistful of condoms. “Dude.”

“What?” Dustin asked.

“What am I going to do with _twenty different condoms_?”

“Use them all?” Dustin suggested. Mike stared at him. “Well we didn’t know your size!” Dustin protested. “So we just got one of everything. Dude, you should have _seen_ the look on the clerk’s face when Robin went up to him with all those condoms. But she just stared at him and he didn’t say a _single thing_. Just rang her up without a word. No one is cooler than Robin, man.”

“Yeah, super cool.” Mike muttered. He pulled out a condom and stared at it accusingly. “Isn’t this the smallest size available?”

“Hey, I’m not judging.” Dustin raised his hands. “As I always say, a man should be valued for the strength of his character, not the size of his penis.”

“Uh huh,” Mike said doubtfully. He quickly picked out a couple he thought would fit him and pulled $3 from his pocket. “Here.”

Dustin looked at the money in his hand. “Yeah, that’s not going to cut it.”

“ _What?_ ” Mike asked. “These are how much condoms cost! I checked at the store!”

“I went through a lot of trouble to get these for you and they cost me a _lot_. Now you don’t even want them all.” Dustin let out an exaggerated sigh. “What am I supposed to do with these?”

“I don’t know! Start a business? Have a water balloon fight? I didn’t _ask_ you to buy twenty of these. This is so not my problem.”

“Pay up or give the condoms back, buddy. Maybe you’ll have better luck asking _Nancy_.” Dustin held out his hand and raised an eyebrow expectantly.

“Fine.” Mike rolled his eyes and reached into his back pocket. “How much do you want?”

“Seven dollars.”

“ _Seven dollars?!_ ”

“Now it’s eight.”

“This is _such_ a rip-off.”

“Nine!” Mike threw a crumpled handful of bills at Dustin before he could raise the price any higher. Dustin grinned triumphantly as he pocketed the cash. “It was nice doing business with you, Wheeler.”

+++

_**One Day Until D-Day** _

“I hope you’re not planning to go see El like that. You look like Billy after the Mind Flayer got to him.”

“Shut up, Will.” Mike rubbed the dark circles under his eyes and sighed. They were hanging out on the porch of the Byers home, watching the rain pour down outside.

“Are you okay?” Will asked with genuine concern. “I thought you would be excited about this but you don’t seem to be very excited.”

“I mean, I am excited.” Mike protested. “Of course I’m excited. I’m 15 years old. Of course I want to have sex with my girlfriend. It’s not like I don’t think about it _all the time._ ”

“But…?” Will prodded.

“But…” Mike took a deep breath and turned to face Will. “But three years ago El was being tortured and experimented on by Russian scientists. She didn’t even know what a friend was, much less a boyfriend.”

“You think she’s not ready.”

“I don’t know! I don’t know how I feel. I just know that I’m not totally comfortable with this. And I feel like… I feel like if I could just know for certain that this is what she really wants then I could be okay with it. But somehow I feel like it’s not and I don’t know why I think that. She seems to be acting normal enough but I don’t know…” Mike paused for a moment, thinking, as he paced back and forth on the porch. “I just… I really like her a lot. And I don’t want to screw this up. I want to be doing this because it’s what feels right for both of us, and not because we’re rushing into it.”

“Hmm,” Will considered. “Have you tried… telling her this?”

“Of course I have!” Mike protested. “I just… I don’t want her to feel like I don’t trust her or that I don’t respect her choices.”

“Well, I don’t really know that much about relationships,” Will said. “But I think you really don’t want to do this.”

“That’s not true,” Mike grumbled.

“Whether it’s true or not, you know you don’t have to go through with this, right? You can stop at any time.”

Car lights swept across the porch and Joyce’s beat up Pinto pulled into the driveway. Will grabbed an umbrella and ran out to meet her, holding the umbrella above them both as they rushed inside.

“Oh, hello Mike,” Joyce said absently when she saw him. She was taking off her wet jacket as she combed her fingers through her damp hair. “I feel like I haven’t seen you here in a while! Where are the others?”

“It’s just us today,” Mike said.

“Well, would you like to stay for dinner? Nothing fancy, of course, but I could whip something up. We have some leftover pot roast from the other day.”

“It’s fine, Ms. Byers. I should get going. It’s getting dark out.”

“In this weather?” Joyce frowned. “Let me drive you home.” She reached for the umbrella that Will had just put down on the porch to dry.

“Oh, it’s fine!” Mike pulled his hoodie over his head and ran out into the rain before Ms. Byers could stop him. “I’ll see you guys tomorrow!” He waved to them one last time before riding off, his sweatshirt already soaked through.

“That boy should really be more careful. He’ll catch a cold like that,” Joyce tutted distractedly. She pulled off her shoes and wet socks with a sigh of relief.

“Mom?” Will asked.

“What is it, dear?” Joyce replied.

“Love is a sickness.” Will deadpanned. He went back inside as Joyce stared at his back in surprise.

+++

_**D-Day** _

Max called him on his walkie talkie at 6:30 sharp. “Everything’s going according to plan. El is on the way there.”

“Roger.” Mike hung up and took a deep breath. After a night of fitful sleep, he had woken early, taken a shower, got dressed in his nicest clothes, checked in the mirror for dark circles and had gotten to the Sinclair house two hours before the appointed time. He had proceeded to spend the remaining time loitering in the living room, periodically switching between staring out the window, at the clock and at his walkie talkie.

It was a ten minute bike ride from Max’s house to the Sinclair home. Mike sat impatiently, staring at the clock and tapping his foot rhythmically.

Finally, he heard a noise outside. Without thinking, Mike rushed to the window, and saw El’s bike riding up towards him, just in sight of the living room window.

He ran out to meet her, she was setting her bike down on the Sinclair lawn by now, and caught his hug with a startled huff. “Hey!”

“Hi.” El ducked her head shyly. Her hair was windblown and falling out of her headband but her lips were glossy and she was wearing a pink skirt.

His heart was trying to beat its way out of his chest. “You want to come in?” he asked, trying to sound normal and not quite succeeding. She nodded.

Mike led her inside the house. El looked around curiously even though she had been there many times before. “Let’s go to Lucas’s room,” he said. “Lucas said we should… in there.”

Mike had barely stepped into Lucas’s room before halting in his steps. The room was a _mess_. Lucas had stuffed some dirty laundry into a bin that he had shoved into the closet, but that was the only attempt he had made to clean up. The bed was unmade, junk was lying everywhere and there was a half-finished bag of chips on his desk. Mike bit back a loud curse. He should have checked Lucas’s room before doing anything else, what had he been thinking?

“Mike?” El asked from around his shoulder. “What is it?”

“Uh, nothing!” Mike pushed her away before she could see what was inside. “I just need a minute. I’ll be right back, wait out there!” He slammed the door in front of her surprised face.

Mike cleaned faster and more thoroughly than he ever had in his entire life. His mom would have been amazed if he could see him. As soon as the room looked as clean as he thought it would get, Mike opened a window to air it out and opened the door.

El jumped back before the door could hit her in the face. She stared at him with wide eyes. “Uh, you okay?” Mike asked. El nodded and rubbed at her nose. 

“Want to come in?” he asked.

Mike sat down on Lucas’s bed as El examined Lucas’s bookshelf. He was sweating so hard his nicest button-down shirt had become damp. He surreptitiously wiped the palms of his hands on Lucas’s blanket.

After a few moments, El went to sit down next to him. Her shoulders were stiff and she wasn’t saying anything.

“Uh, here.” El turned to look at him and Mike took the opportunity to brush a strand of hair behind her ear. She looked like she had been combing her fingers through her hair, but it was still a bit messy. When he met her gaze, he could see every line and detail of her wide eyes. He had never noticed that her ordinary brown eyes contained such an explosion of color. They looked almost golden in the fading light cast by the window. He stared, fascinated.

He was caught by surprise when she kissed him.

Her lips were soft and wet from the gloss, and slightly sticky, but he didn’t mind. Her breath tasted sweet and minty. He felt her hand in his hair. His mind went blank. Somehow, they ended up lying down on the bed with him on top of her.

“Umm, Mike?” she mumbled.

“Hmm?” Mike moved his mouth away from hers so she could speak more clearly. He kissed the corner of her mouth, her chin, the column of her throat. El gasped so quietly that he couldn’t hear it out loud, but he could feel it. The way her throat moved against his mouth. The little intake of breath.

“Umm… Mike…” she struggled to continue, flustered. He licked her neck. She squealed. “It smells!”

It took a few moments for her words to sink in. “ _What?_ ”

El sat up in bed, her face red, clutching the spot on her neck where he had licked her. “The bed. It smells like Lucas. I can smell it!”

Mike stared at her blankly for a moment. He sniffed the air, but it didn’t smell like anything to him. “It smells bad?”

“No! It just smells… like Lucas. It’s distracting.” El flushed.

“Oh,” Mike said, at a loss for words.

“Can we go to another room?”

“Lucas asked us to stay in here.” Mike scratched his head and looked around. “Let me see… Wait here a moment.”

Mike rushed out the hall towards the Sinclairs’ linen closet. Luckily, there were still some blankets left. He grabbed a couple and rushed back.

“Here,” he said when he got back, tossing a blanket to El. “These were just cleaned. See? They smell like fabric softener.” He spread the blankets out on the bed. “Does that help?”

El nodded, but didn’t speak. When he looked at her now, he could see that her headband had gone missing sometime ago, though he didn’t know where or when. Her clothes were ruffled and she was pulling her skirt down over her legs self consciously, drawing his attention to them. Her lip gloss was smeared all over her mouth. It was probably on him too. Without thinking, he licked his lips.

“Want to…?” El laid back down on the blankets. Mike laid down too and kissed her again.

“It’s just,” El said a few moments later, breaking their kiss. “Those posters are staring at us.”

Mike followed El’s gaze to where Lucas’s AC/DC and Led Zeppelin posters were hanging. “Okay?”

“They’re creepy,” El mumbled.

“They’re just pictures, El. They can’t see us.” Mike said. El only shrugged and stared at the wall.

“Look,” Mike said, sitting up. “Let’s not do this.”

“Why not?” El asked, suddenly wide eyed. “You don’t want to?”

“No, it’s not that.” Mike said. Gently, he added, “El, you’re shaking.”

El grabbed her trembling shoulders and looked down, ashamed. “I’m sorry,” she said, sniffling slightly. “I wanted to do this with you.”

“Don’t be sorry!” he protested. Mike took her hands and held them in his own. They felt slightly cold and clammy. He couldn’t help but notice how small and fragile they looked in his larger ones. “Why did you want to do this anyways? You’ve never mentioned anything like this before.”

“T-The magazine,” El sniffled. “I-It said if I didn’t do this with you, you’d leave me...”

“A magazine?!” Mike was unable to hold back his curse this time. “Who showed you this magazine? Max?”

“No,” El said sadly. “Lena from fifth period.”

“Well, it’s not true.” Mike said so passionately El’s head lifted, and she looked him in the eye as he continued to speak. “I would never leave you, especially not over something stupid like that. You shouldn’t believe everything you read in magazines.”

El frowned, unconvinced. “It said… sex is what you do when you’re in love. That’s why I…”

“Yes, sex is something you do when you’re in love!” Mike said, while he furiously tried to think of the best way to let Hopper know that it was time to give his daughter the Talk. “But only some of the time, and only if we _both_ want to. Do you get it, El?”

El nodded.

“And anyways,” he continued, somewhat self-consciously, “We don’t need to have sex to know we’re in love. I already know I love you, El.”

El’s eyes lit up. “I love you, too, Mike.” She flung her arms around him.

Mike quickly unentangled himself from her embrace. “I love you too, just please don’t touch me right now. I’m kind of…” He gestured towards his lap uncomfortably.

“Oh!” El stood up, face bright red. “I’ll just, um…”

“Yeah, actually, could you, uh, leave for a moment?”

“Yeah, want me to close the door?”

“Yes, please.” The door slammed behind her. Mike took a deep breath and laid back down on the bed. “Fuck,” he said.

+++

When Mike came out, El was in the living room, examining the family’s extensive VHS collection. “I found ten dollars in Lucas’s room. Want to order a pizza?” he asked.

El looked up, VHS in hand. “Is that _Alien_?” he asked. “I love that movie! Have you seen it?” When El shook her head he continued, “You’ve _got_ to see it, it’s so awesome. It’s so gory, my parents wouldn’t let me watch it for years. Why don’t you put it on and I’ll call the pizza place?” He headed toward the hallway, still talking, “You know, I heard they’re going to make a sequel, but I don’t know how they’ll ever top this one…” 

Mike didn’t see with his back turned, but El was smiling at him.

+++

Mike was woken by someone shaking him and calling his name. “Mike! Mike! Oh, get up, you son of a bitch!”

“Lucas?” Mike asked, rubbing his eyes and yawning. “What are you doing here? What time is it?” It was still dark out, with the barest hint of grey dawn light peeking through the windows.

“What am I—? This is my house, Wheeler! Wake up!”

Mike looked around, disoriented. They were lying on the couch of the Sinclair living room, with Eleven asleep with her head on his shoulder. A half-finished box of pizza sat on the dining table. They must have fallen asleep after the movie.

“Never mind that, why aren’t you in my room? You didn’t do it in here did you? I _specifically_ told you not to!”

“No!” Mike said, pushing Lucas away. “We didn’t do it at all.”

“What?!” Lucas asked. “Not even third base?” Mike glared at him. “Second base? Oh my god!” Lucas threw his hands in the air. “What was it even all for?”

There was a noise outside. “What was that?” Mike asked, suddenly alert.

“That’s what I was going to tell you! _Hop knows_. He found out somehow, I don’t know from who. Max and Dustin are outside right now trying to hold him off but—”

“Wheeler!” Hopper’s voice boomed out at that moment. “You come out here right this second you little brat!” There was a noise that was either the sound of a car engine backfiring or a shotgun blast.

El curled up against Mike and pressed her cold nose against his shoulder. “Five more minutes, please…” she mumbled.

Mike stared at El, then at Lucas. “ _Fuck_ ,” he said emphatically.

**Author's Note:**

> Also, I was going to add in this scene where Dustin ropes Steve and Robin into this condom-selling empire where he makes hundreds of dollars selling condoms to his classmates but I didn't know where to put it. So just know that that's happening, somewhere.


End file.
